I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
