Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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