a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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