hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
