Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
