so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
