i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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