Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
