gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
