She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
