for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
