we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
