I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
