It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
