he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
