You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
