She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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