dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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