I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
