the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Pants are for mortals
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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