He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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