Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
