end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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