How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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