he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
