HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
