THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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