I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
