I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
