Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
