you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
