i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
