I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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