He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
