Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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