these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
