The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
How naked do you want me to be?
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