May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
