i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
cat food counts as protein by the way
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
