you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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