Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
