im about as happy as oj after his trial
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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