I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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