Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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