no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
