Need sex. Gaining weight.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
