and you said cock pushups were impossible
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
