Sponge bath it is.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
