I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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