i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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