He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
