he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
