At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
