And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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