Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
True strength comes from lack of pants
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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