I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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