if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
