after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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