I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
being pregnant is like rehab
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
