I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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