i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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