No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's official drugs can't kill me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
