Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
