We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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