just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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