Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
