and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
