I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
