dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
