my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize