I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
