I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
