apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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